Okay so I know in this day and age people are guilty of oversharing, and It can be important to keep parts of your life private.. I just wanted to briefly mention something again that’s been a part of my life since I was about 13.
So I’ve been panicking a bit recently because it's usually about this time of year I get back to running and a lot of resistance workouts to get in shape properly for summer. But I can’t because I’ve suffered TWO injuries that mean I can’t properly do either at home. This has seriously forced me to take a look at my diet again as well as myself, and my reasonings for wanting to do all this in the first place.
Generally, one of my new year's resolutions this year was to learn to love myself properly and take more care of myself on the outside and in.
I have been battling with self-image issues for as long as I can remember, and I have spoken about it on my blog once before, but I didn’t go into too much detail. It wasn’t until I left school that I realized that I’ve actually been continuously shamed into not speaking out about how I felt, or what I’ve been going through because each time I open my mouth about it, it's easy to label me as an “attention seeker”.
I do share posts on Facebook about high functioning anxiety and depression, and again, when I’ve opened up about how I’ve felt in the past, I’ve had people go “what?? but you’re so happy all the time?? you’re so confident??? you’re so successful and talented, why would you feel like that??”
I’ve also felt like if been shamed into not being able to share the fact that I have battled on and off with an eating disorder, and again, it’s easy to look at someone and go “well they’re not in hospital all the time and they’re not really bony, so they can’t be?”
Again, this wasn’t the case for me.
In fact, it’s all probably stemmed from the fact that I did have larger boobs (tits? tatas? whatever you wanna call them lol) from probably a younger age than most, and have always felt like the bigger person.. and an outsider, especially because most of my friends were skinny and smaller than me. Call me the Khloe Kardashian of the group if you will. The worst part is (and I'm sure a lot of girls can vouch for me and experienced this as well) is that back in the day I wasn’t even fat in the first place… I’m bigger now than I was then, but at that time I thought my size was the worst thing in the world!!
I’ve established a much healthier relationship with food (although I do need to stop with the deliveroos lol) and am not constantly obsessing over my image and what I look like.
I’m in a really good place this year, and since last summer I’ve taken the time to really think about how I feel and learn to put my thoughts and feelings before other people, and try not so much to please others.
So if you like, this post is just a bit of a milestone for me, and it's me learning to appreciate myself as I am.
It’s only a small thing, and I know I have a small audience… Even if this post helps one person then its done its job. But I want people to realize that if you’re having a bad time, it's better to tell someone and talk about it, it really can help.
Also if you’re not suffering, try not to be one of those many inconsiderate assholes that bullies others and scares people out of seeking help when they’re going through a rough time.
Bikini pic over and out xoxo
Also, big up to people like Felicity Hayward, Ashley Graham, Iskra Lawrence, Ariel Winter & more .. it helps to have healthy body role models similar to your own self.
Can’t wait for my knee to fix and get back to squatting lmao
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